Victim Mentality


Have you ever been talking to your partner, a friend or maybe someone you are arguing with and suddenly you find yourself wounded and saying things that don’t seem to lead anywhere? In fact, you start watching the face of your conversation mate begin to change into a state of being baffled, maybe even say you are not making any sense at all. I know when it happens to me my heart aches. I feel wounded and I usually hear my thoughts say something like “You are mean” “You don’t care about me”.

I think what is so powerful about this state of being, is that it’s triggered instantly. Like its sunny outside and then you find yourself in a torrential down poor. You can’t even understand where it came from. It’s a helpless feeling; sometimes my body even feels shaky, like I have lost all my strength. The weirdest part of it all is that I feel alone, full of suffering and not really present anymore, like I have been teleported to another dimension.

Now there is some science behind this odd abduction. One thing we know is the brain is unable to decipher past from present. This is a problem because when you run into a man that looks like your brother who dumbed you down, you will automatically dumb down. All the feelings of that experience you felt as a child rush to the surface and guess who is standing in front of you? That is the face you believe that caused you the sate of suffering. You project it on him and the conversation begins. He’s baffled, your suffering and conversation make no sense.

We are so crazy awesome the way we are created. We unconsciously see the things that remind us of our pain and we go towards them to hopefully release the charge of the trauma. The problem is that we still feel ill equipped, we panic and we get stuck in the same damn dynamic, over and over again. Ah the suffering loop pattern.

Now I don’t know about you but I started to realize this wasn’t working and I really wanted to heal and MOVE ON! I had to start thinking of victim mentality as a virus. Like someone planted a seed of poison inside me, and I could no longer decipher between the virus and the truth. I think this is why people don’t want to take in what you are dishing out. They don’t want to buy into the virus. The good thing about this is that it means there is nothing wrong with you, but you do have something informing you that doesn’t serve you.

The best way to know if you are being informed by a virus or by the truth is to notice how it makes you feel. Think of a virus in a computer. If you have one, nothing works correctly. Everything is informed by the “bug”. You need to get assistance usually to “fix” it, and nothing makes sense. It leaves you feeling helpless, discouraged and frustrated. Oh ya, and it’s really hard to deal with. Sound familiar?

Truth feels very different. Truth is simple and easy. Challenges or experiences are in rational order, people are drawn to it; it makes them feel good when they are in your presence. Challenges are manageable and become opportunities to grow rather than burdens that are impossible.

So if everything in life is meant to move forward you may be holding onto a virus rather than truth. Rather than cling, let go. Stop believing you are incapable and start trusting that nothing is impossible unless you don’t believe it is. Stop handing your life over to the virus – YOU DO NOT NEED TO CHOOSE HELPLESSNESS – Choose empowerment! Do something, say no, get up and move away from what isn’t working, look at your perspectives and beliefs, forgive, and CHANGE!

Victims believe they are trapped and have no choice. The truth is that we always have choice, but we are the only ones who can make the choice. Take your power back today and choose freedom. I am…

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© 2014 Lisa Solterbeck. 805 Liberty St NE, Ste #2, Salem, OR 97301 / Call 503.991.5091 

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