I Am Offended - Off With Their Head!
Have you ever had your feelings hurt? You know that awful feeling where you feel misunderstood, devalued, and that no matter what you do, it isn’t going to change the fact that the person standing in front of you just doesn’t get it, or you? Sigh. I think we all can relate at some level.
I had just that situation happen to me, and as I sat attempting to let the desire to commit great harm pass – I heard the words “OFF WITH THEIR HEAD”!!! I saw a picture in my mind of Alice in Wonderland and that Nasty Queen of Hearts with the very large head!
It hit me as the person who hurt me left the area I was in, that I wanted to get them OUT of my heart space, create the GREAT WALL OF LISA, and gather my ARMY of others who had been hurt by this same person, the PERPETRATOR! Now please note, this was all playing out in my BIG head, and I would never act out these extremes, but it was a lovely movie that helped me feel back in charge of my pain, choices, and offer me a comforting sprinkle of narcissism to top off the experience. I was PROTECTED!
Ah, then the rational mind kicked in, saying “Now let it go, that’s not very loving.” I guess at this point I realized I needed space, time to breathe, and the opportunity to gather my fragmented ego and find some meaning in the “WHY” of it all. Not the “WHY” I used to experience, the one that questioned everything such as: why would someone hurt me? Am I not good enough, or am I not worth being kind to?
This was a different “WHY.” The one that knows that projecting hurtful words serves no good purpose. The one that knows talking behind someone’s back and complaining is really my own issue. Finally, the one who knows that really, I just don’t want to know “WHY” I have over compromised myself and left myself so vulnerable to be hurt.
Did I not love myself? Did I give something I could not afford to lose? Have I over extended? As I explored where I left myself defenseless, I realized I was expecting the other party to hold me sacred. Missing the main point that I WAS OFF DUTY! My projector wanted to protect me so much that it missed the point that I was neglecting myself by over compromising myself. Then, when expectations of the other were exposed, I was offended!
We teach what we accept, friends. Catching another person’s issues and taking it in like it’s your own, may be a symptom of self-abandonment. Instead of going into the rant of “OFF WITH THEIR HEAD!” – Go INWARD and get to the job of self-love and cleaning up your unfinished business. Then there will be no need for the obsessive movie to play out. You can be in your heart, and not fatten your head by running up into the mind to avoid the pain that you left behind.
Use your triggers – They will show you your unfinished business that you forgot you had. You're not alone, but wouldn’t it be nice to stop this cycle once and for all? Protecting yourself is for the birds. Instead, heal yourself so you can fly!
It ain’t no use putting up your umbrella till it rains.
(Alice Caldwell Rice)
Protecting yourself after the rain stops is a waste of your time!
(Lisa Solterbeck, LCSW)